A better day

Well, I'm proud of myself today. I finally broke down and told someone I was pregnant. I determined that I needed to treat myself like a patient, therefore I needed to get an ultrasound. I arranged with a friend to have it done on Sunday. This is primarily because I have gone through every nightmare scenario, including a ruptured ectopic pregnancy with a hysterectomy and my demise. I think two things finally threw me over the edge:

1) A 35 year old came in newly pregnant the other day (last pregnant 17 years ago) after having a positive pregnancy test, and discovered she was having twins

AND

2) The gory tale of a woman with a fetal demise who had an emergency cesarean section 5 weeks ago who went into DIC and then had 3 more exploratory laparotomies and now has had an arm amputation and is going to lose both of her legs.

I decided that maybe I needed to break down and get some sort of prenatal care. At the most I'm 6 weeks pregnant, so this is probably a good plan.

Fortunately things at work today are better. I like Thursdays -- minimal contact with the office so my sanity is much improved on these days.

Currently I'm at home; no one else is here and it is very peaceful. I like these moments. I seem to get very few of them.

Journey on-

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Positivity

Today's goal: Be more positive.
Yesterday I was a little irritable. This new pregnancy and not enough sleep and a gaggle of unhappy women in my office made the day a little unpleasant.
My husband and I went out to dinner and afterward settled on the couch to watch a movie I've not seen (Porky's, oi) and I was off to sleep. I was asleep within 15 minutes of starting this film. Out. That was 745pm. I woke up at 630am fully refreshed, and I'm hopeful today well be better. Unfortunately I'm on call so my sleep has every liklihood of being interrupted. But oh well.
My day has not started perfectly: I was supposed to get up and work out at 6am but J's warm comfy body prevented me. Now I need to work out as soon as we get back from mass tonight. I have determined that I am already too fat and as it seems I am pregnant that I am not going to gain more than 10 pounds. The end. Thus I must work out fiendishly until the end of this.
Keep the secret has been tough. I told my good friend and she is taking great delight in this. I, of course, was never supposed to do this. I wasn't supposed to tell her, but more than just my husband needed to know. My office, of course, is always guessing. They saw me get prenatal vitamins out of the office yesterday and of course decided that I was pregnant. I told them the vitamins help me keep weight off (truth). J thinks its bizarre I don't want them involved with this pregnancy. In my brain I'm simply a private person and don't want them involved in my business.
Well, the adventure continues.
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Excuses excuses

People kill me.

We have an employee here, C, in the office who is irresponsible. She determined that it was acceptable behaviour to sleep for an hour at the office while clocked in and then also determined, of her own volition without mentioning it to a superior, that she could leave 30 minutes early without telling anyone.

This isn't her first bout of problems in our office.

The office manager and I decided to bring her into the office today to discuss her problems and terminate her. Of course, C's eyes well up and she starts to come up with every excuse in the book -- including my favorite: that she "forgot" that she fell asleep in the office for an hour yesterday. How does a grown woman forget that they took an hour nap at work?

Of course her drama does not help my GI issues, which seem to be more prevalent each day. Its always SOMETHING: nausea, consitipation, dairrhea. Today seems to be the latter.

Oh well. More work to do.

The journey continues.


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Begging for a good day

Well, its time to start the morning. Already there are dramas here in the office. A difficult patient demanding to be seen, begging for pain medication -- as she is ALWAYS begging for pain mediciation.

It doesn't help that I am cramping this morning. I always have strange little cramps and twinges. Though I shoudl know better, I don't know if these random cramps are normal. My husband already had the bring the power supply for my laptop to the office because I forgot it (he is a true doll and my blessing) and I have about a thousand things on my plate that need to be addressed today. And we need to fire someone for falling asleep at her desk and then leaving early without telling anyone. It will be the third termination in 6 days.

Furthermore, the quest continues keep the lid on this pregnancy thing, which is not always easy. Today I am grouchy and overemotional. I became misty-eyed when I was listening to the radio and heard that some pilots, when told not to pick up wounded of the tsunami in Thailand did so anyway.... But not only did this particular group of pilots pick up wounded, several others did as well. The humanity struck me and the tears began to roll. And now I have a quick temper over this patient.

Prayer, I guess, will be my rescue throughout the day.

My journey continues.

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An Introduction

Me: 33, working, ob/gyn, married four months.
I work in healthcare. I recently got married to the man of my dreams. Accepting the man of my dreams meant I had to accept the concept of family.

I have never been adverse to the idea of family persay... I just never imagined that it would be me carrying a child or raising a family.

So one day, while praying for a big event in my life, I told God that if things went as I wanted I would break down and have a baby. Well, waddayouknow -- 2 weeks later the pregnancy test is positive.

Now I have pregnancy tests very easily available at work, so I didn't want to believe that one. It wasn't positive enough -- therefore 5 pregnancy tests were needed to confirm it in my brain.

And now here we start this journey.

I have a goal -- though leery (but a bit excited), I am inherently a private person and I do not want my whole office involved with this pregnancy for as long as I can pull it off. This is going to be the difficulty.

I broke down and told my best friend yesterday, swearing her to secrecy. My husband is the only other person who knows.

We are planning to have an ultrasound done for pregnancy dating in a couple of weeks by a friend in the middle of the night on a weekend.

This new journey begins.....

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